Ninja Extraordinaire
by Marilena
Summary: ...and Peeping Tom. One day Yuffie visited Reeve's house; but it wasn't your normal, everyday visit. No, it was a very frustrating visit that changed her view on the blue-clad, or in this case unclad, man.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Finally, my promised Reeve/Yuffie. This story will be completed in two or three parts. Here is the first installment! Enjoy, and please review!_

This is the new, beta-read version this chapter. I've never felt so happy to have a beta reader as awesome as Novocain. Thank you, my great beta. You rock. :D

_Disclaimer: I never claimed them in the first place. I'm just playing with them a little. ;)_

**-**

**Tuesday, ****13:40**

Um, hey, book - uh, notebook... thingy.

...Hmm. That doesn't sound right. What was it, what was it?

Aaaah, yes!

Dear Diary,

(How could I forget the classics?) Anyway, Diary Dude or Dudette - whatever - I'm telling you once and for all that your name from now on shall be...

...Shiva.

This might have something to do with the fact that I lost my wonderfulicious Shiva materia yesterday and I'm pretty pissed right now. I loved that materia. It was the shiniest red you've ever seen (not that you've seen any type of red but that's beside the point) and Shiva herself was such a kickass icy chick. One look from her and all the male opponents - as well as most of the males in our party - glazed over and drooled until they stepped in their own drool puddles and fell on top of each other in a grunting, scowling, horny heap. One blown kiss from her made half the female opponents wish they had worn bras that morning. Although, to be honest, it could have been the cold.

So, Shiva-chan, as you can see, I'm partially interested in the wonders of putting the sausage in the stove, if you get my drift... In case you don't, I'm winking.

I'm still a virgin, you know. At twenty.

And I'm still winking.

Well, it's more like eye twitching now.

Why can't I find a guy? Oh dear Leviathan, why? Are my boobs too small? Probably. Are my hips too thin? Graceless? Ditzy? Pre-teen? I don't know. Let me wiggle them a little...

I'm back with the verdict.

Nope. They're not! They're perfectly womanly - don't you dare snort, stupid notebook thing, I can see you - and I still don't get why every single man who's my type doesn't even spare me a second look. I mean, I like them old, dark, emo, and still moping about some frozen crazy scientist who committed a crime against humanity.

That's not too much to ask for, is it? You know, Shiva-chan, there is this guy that fits this description somewhat. Okay, totally. He's Vince, and the only one who isn't part of the grunting, scowling, horny heap at your feet. He's quite a bit more subtle, although I bet that the last time we saw you in your eerie hotness - er, hot coldness - that bulge wasn't his spare gun. Because, let's face it, he doesn't have a pocket over that.

But if the constipated expression on his face is any indication, he doesn't take kindly to my expert flirting. Take yesterday for example. We were at WRO's headquarters - Drama King, Reeve and me. Reeve was filling us in a pretty simple mission, compared to last year's epic adventures. It was mostly scouting for suspicious activity in one of the trashiest regions of Midgar. No big _bing-bang-bada-BOOM_ immediately involved, just "potential danger", which is one of Reeve's favorite phrases. Go figure. The man is nice and all that jazz, but if I didn't know he was the lunatic behind Cait Sith, I'd ask him to kindly remove the "Magic Stick That Makes You Workaholic" from his ass and get laid or something.

At least one of us should.

Hey now, give me a break. I'm a lonely girl in her twenties. I'm bound to be a little perverted. It's a law of nature, just like everyone knows that materia doesn't grow on trees. Well, unless you tie a cat's tail around the trunk and eat three mushrooms in its shadow. Or so my grandma used to tell me.

I digress. We were at the office, Reeve was briefing us on the mission (I heard only half of what he said), and I was ogling Vince. At some point he must have noticed, since I wasn't exactly being sneaky (which I can so totally rock at in my kick-ass ninja-ness if I want), and he suddenly faced me, a rather blank look plastered on his handsome features. Acting on a whim, like always, I decided to do a very risky thing.

I batted my eyelashes at him.

I must have looked really funny, because Vince then proceeded to spit a mouthful of coffee on Reeve's desk.

I still remember the look of horror in his eyes. It was the kind of look that is associated with foul-smelling bodily waste and toilets - certainly not cute and sexy ninjas being flirty.

I'm double pissed now. He's such a bastard.

-

**Wednesday, ****11:05**

He really is a bastard. He's been avoiding me all day.

I have to leave for the mission now. Talk to ya later, Shiva-chan!

-

**19:27**

I was so bored today. I really hate boring missions.

They are so _boring_.

I'm at Tifa's bar at the moment, and it's rather empty. Cloud is having a chit-chat with the Bane of my Existence, Tifa is scolding Denzel for being a lazy bum and slacking off on his homework, and I'm stuck in a table with Reeve.

Let me just say that the guy is boring. I bet he has no social life. Don't get me wrong - he's my friend and I really care for him, but, honestly, he's just sitting across from me, sipping his drink calmly. Thinking of wires and circuits, no doubt. Now he's playing with his goatee rather absently.

Oops. I didn't notice I was staring so hard. He just looked up and fixed two chocolate eyes on me, in an amused "Is there something on my face?" way.

I told him it was nothing and I was just spacing out a bit.

I didn't tell him the other thoughts that graced my pretty ninja head: _No, stupid. There's nothing on your face. And I just realized your eyes are dark brown, not chocolate_.

Anyway, who cares?

I wonder... If I bounce a little, will that make Vince notice me?

-

**19:55**

...Bouncing doesn't work. Le sigh.

And that jerk in front of me has raised an eyebrow, still amused.

I want to wipe that half-smirk off his stupid, stupid face.

Grrrr.

Thank Leviathan I have you, Shiva-chan, so I can pour out my growing disappointment with the members of the male gender, be they of the Sexy and Experienced Man or the Kind and Funny Young Uncle species respectively.

-

**Friday, ****20:05**

Uhh... I'm kinda shaken at the moment, so I'll have to tell you exactly what happened to get it off my chest. I made sure that I could sneak in without being noticed by Tifa or anyone else and hurried to my room. I locked the door. Damn, my face feels so hot. I must be crimson. I couldn't bear to be seen like this - those nosy busybodies-not-like-me would all demand an explanation.

I have to bathe now. And wash my eyes and ears thoroughly. A couple of tranquilizers would be nice too. I'll be back in a while; sorry, Shiva-chan, it's just that - I can't explain it, I really can't. I don't remember feeling so flustered before. All I can say to help you prepare your lovely pale paper against blushing when I come back with the full tale is...

Remember my categorization of guys into two species?

Well, the line just got one hell of a lot thinner. Nonexistent. Whatever.

Shit, I'll be right back.

-

**20:23**

Okay, I took my bath, drank two glasses of water, and I still feel like Palmer stepped on my toe. Perhaps I should drink something alcoholic. Funny, that reminds me of workahol-

Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

Why did this have to happen?

It wasn't the first time that I visited Reeve's house. I've been there before; it's medium-sized and stylish. Not really cozy, but still friendly in a way. And rather neutral, I must admit, except for the fact that Reeve seems to favor blue and onyx. Anyway, it all started when Cloud woke me up from my afternoon nap. Yes, I take one of those occasionally. Where do you think all that energy comes from? I don't exactly function on batteries, I'll have you know, Shiva-chan. So, he woke me up from my really nice dream, right when I had finally managed to take off Vincent's shirt - after throwing a smoke bomb, pulling at his hair, kicking his groin and threatening to kiss him, I had tied him down. And that jerk woke me up to take some trivial papers to Reeve. Papers! He ruined my fantasy for papers!

I nagged and growled, but he was adamant. So I put on my boots, grabbed the _papers_, and left. The door will love me no more after what I did to it.

On the way to Reeve's, I calmed down. There was a gentle breeze blowing on my face, and while that messed up my hair really horribly, it was quite refreshing. By the time I reached Reeve's door, I was fully awake.

Now, the next part demands an explanation. Reeve, despite being a boring bastard - or so I thought until recently, gosh! - also happens to be an extremely inventive and quirky bastard. Back when I was being annoying, I used to show up at his doorstep after midnight, ring his bell for at least a minute, and flee. It was one of the few instances of special treatment I gave him. It was payback for Cait Sith's annoying remarks about my clumsiness.

One day, I tried to pull the same trick on him - you know, wake him up in the middle of the night.

I got jolted.

It wasn't pleasant. I decided I'd never ring his bell again.

Considering that by "back when I was being annoying" I meant last week, I hadn't had a chance to honor my decision until today.

That is the very good reason why I didn't ring his bell today. I sneaked in from the window on the side of his house; it wasn't particularly difficult, since there is a very convenient alley right next to the building.

Thinking back, I keep telling myself that I am so freaking stupid. I want to bang my head against the wall.

I landed on the wooden floor soundlessly and crab-walked towards the living room. There was nobody to be found. I checked the kitchen - nothing. I didn't check the bathroom.

I guessed he was in his bedroom, probably drinking tea and playing with toy models of Midgar.

Boy, was I wrong.

Not about the bedroom part - he was in there alright. But when I approached the door to his bedroom - which was slightly ajar - my body froze and my heartbeat quickened considerably. I wasn't at the right angle to have a visual of what was going on inside. It was the audio that made me halt.

There were sounds emanating from the inside. Strange sounds. Not the kinds of sounds a kind-mannered, _boring_ man like Reeve Tuesti should make while drinking tea and watching stupid shows on TV like I knew he often did. I squinted and stopped breathing, trying to eavesdrop better.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!_

As soon as I did that, a sudden realization hit me on the head like a bat straight from heaven.

There was a _woman_ in there.

And she sounded happy.

Really happy.

_OH MY GOD, GOD, __**GOD**_ happy.

I was capable of only one thought.

_Holy flying-_

I faltered and almost fell on my butt. My cheeks were redder than your materia, Shiva-chan. They, er, still are.

But it didn't stop there, oh no. See, a second realization hit me on the head like a huge rock straight from heaven. It was much heavier than the bat. When I had lost my balance, my angle changed slightly.

And then I had a visual as well.

I remember choking silently and gasping for air. I will try to describe what I saw, even though I'd rather cut myself in slices and make Yuffie sushi than describe it to any breathing human being.

He looked nothing like the Reeve I knew. I didn't glimpse any major parts - her hip was cutting off the view - but what I saw was enough. She was on her back and he was on his knees, grasping her legs tightly and keeping them in place. His eyes were closed, eyebrows furrowed, and he was thrusting pretty damn deeply from what I could see, with steady, smooth movements that made the woman on the bed gasp and whimper, and also clutch at his shoulders like there was no tomorrow.

I, on the other hand, felt my eyes widen like saucers and my mind scream, "Someone, please, fix the boiler - it's getting way too hot in here."

I could never picture him like that. Reeve. My friend, Reeve. My geeky, kind Reeve.

Yet, in fact, my geeky, kind Reeve was giving quite a performance on his bed. And the worst part of all: he was doing it casually. Seeing him like that would have seemed unbelievable had I not witnessed it with my own eyes - his lean, subtle muscles tensing as he pressed on, his Adam's apple prominent as he tilted his head to the side and picked up the rhythm, driving the poor (?) woman up the wall.

His right hand left her leg and rested on the curve of her waist, pulling her even closer, which I would have figured to be impossible. I wondered if his palm was indeed as warm as it appeared, stretched like that flush against her skin and moving up to cup her breast.

I couldn't leave. I was a peeping tom, a pervert, but I couldn't leave.

Goddamnit!

He looked really warm and strong and collected, like he knew exactly what he was doing, and his goatee suddenly looked very sexy and so did his dark hair and dark eyes and oh shit I can't even form a proper sentence.

The woman's moans as well as Reeve's own sounds of pleasure suddenly intensified. Stunned beyond words, I watched the woman "Oh God, oh God, oh my fucking God" him a little more and realized she was reaching her climax, dragging him down as well - it didn't take long before he, too, lost control. His movements became rawer - I noted a bead of sweat trailing down his collarbone - and his face contorted, a growl distinct somewhere in that mess.

I looked away - that image was just too much. Shiva-chan, at the moment I wanted to die. I had just watched Reeve doing _that_ to an unknown woman...

...and, damn, it was sexy.

However, the sounds had subsided and it was my cue to leave. I closed my wide open mouth, not knowing and not wanting to know how long it had been in that position-

Taboo word.

Change of subject. And panties.

Oh, and the best part? In my jellyfish-like state, I forgot to leave the papers on the table, and I also left the escape window open until a not-so-gentle-anymore breeze slammed it shut.

Uuuh... slammed...

Taboo word.

I wish a plane would crash in my room right now and put me out of my misery once and for all.

-

**22:01**

I can't sleep.

There is no way I'm going back there to leave him the papers. Absolutely _no way_. What if I find him waltzing around naked and wet from his after-sex shower?

Now, that would be hot.

No.

Bad.

Bad Yuffie.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Aaand... she's back. Thanks for all the reviews, everyone! Whoa. I never expected such a massive response. It's very motivating, let me tell you that! Also, many thanks to Novocain for putting up with my random updates and doing a great beta job, as always. _

Chapter 2

**Monday, 08:30**

I'm embarrassed. After _that_, I think I should be. Absolutely - certainly – undeniably. Absocertainiably.

Why? Pffft. As if you don't remember, you evil frozen minx. But, okay, let's pretend you don't, for a moment. Let's give my sanity another kick at the scrotum. I saw him. I saw Reeve, all right? And he was with a woman. He - uh, no, not with a woman exactly – Shiva-chan. Please. I totally didn't just hint at Reeve being gay. You're being ridiculous. What I meant is: I saw Reeve _in_ a woman.

I'm scarred.

And then, as if that wasn't enough, I had a dream about a giant penis that talked. Its tiny mouth flapping, it was beckoning me closer and closer. I watched it sway and mumble and dance towards me, completely mesmerised. When it got close enough, my eyes widened in horror. An army of poisonous barracudas could have popped in to say hello to my vagina and it still couldn't have been worse.

The giant dancing penis had a freaking goatee.

**08:32**

It's not a laughing matter, Shiva.

**08:33**

Seriously. Not funny.

**08:37**

Like, shut up now, you horrible journal with your horrible beady eyes of paper.

Oh.

A bird almost crapped on my shoes, but it missed. Yeah.

Hit my shoulder instead.

I feel betrayed.

**09: 45**

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! Finally out of my hair, still in my life. I'm late. Holy father and creator of Jenova's ass, am I late! He's going to kill me. I'll be found dead with a pencil up my nostril and through my brain – after all, Reeve's pencils are notoriously big, which must be an engineer thing. Or maybe he's compensating for something, I don't know - except... except... I... kind of... do. And he's... not. I think. Not that I have to anything to compare it t – _Argh, no, make it stop! Rewind. Rewind._

Hell in a handheld basket. I'm fucked.

**09:46**

Well, not **literally** –

**09:47**

Enough, woman. You're not a hormone-crazed cow.

**09:48**

_...Are you?_

**09:50**

I'm closing this journal _right now_.

That's my stop anyway. Be glad I'm not threatening to flush you down the toilet, or give you to that nice-looking old lady two seats across from here, who is currently picking her nose with one hand and petting a rubber ducky with the other. Imagine her fingers turning your pages one by one, very slowly and deliberately, as snot dribbles on your fine, soft paper... You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Huh! Thought so. Who's yo daddy now? Who's yo bitch, mustard-face? Who's –

Oh, wow, look at this huuuuge building! Look at the imposing sign that reads WORLD RESTORATION ORGANISATION...

Yes, Yuffie. Look at your life flashing before your eyes as a way too big pencil makes a kebab out of your brain through your nasal cavity.

* * *

. ... .

* * *

"You're late."

The man had spoken from behind a massive wooden desk, his head hovering closely over a stack of papers as he scribbled furiously, occasionally drawing a sharp line with a jerky move of his wrist.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry," said the girl at the door. She was short and slight, with a bob of sloppily cut jet black hair.

The man, Reeve, looked up from his work for the first time.

"What? This is unusual. And I don't mean only you being _unusually_ late," he said, but he didn't sound particularly angry or strict or amiable. He didn't sound particularly anything.

"Er...?"

Reeve pursed his lips and hunched over his work again. This time, he spoke with a friendly undertone. One could say almost teasing.

"What? No starved little kittens needing your help against the janitor community on the subway today?"

Yuffie's cheeks and forehead turned beet red in a matter of seconds. She had what she often liked to call a very retarded skin tone, its courtesy package including enough red tint supplies to last throughout a communist revolution as well as a mind of its own.

Any other day, she would have scoffed and defended herself. But she didn't, because this was the day after a very special day in which Yuffie had seen her old boss humping like a horny turtle. Except that simile didn't work because the experience had been less funny and more flustering.

"No, not really," she croaked. "Something happened and I had to go home, clean up the bird sh - clean up a bit, and I, uh, missed the bus a couple of times and then possibly the right stop as well, and when I was crossing the street, this old lady with a rubber duck lo-" at which point she spluttered, "-ver dropped it and caused a big commotion by running after it, and lots of cars had to steer out of her way, and... stuff."

Reeve stared at his papers for a moment. Then he looked up, and she clasped her hands nervously. His eyes found hers, dead serious. Yuffie blew the hair out of her face and braced herself.

"Speaking for myself, I think the runaway Gongagan elephants blocking the street were better."

She blinked, and he let out a short, crisp laugh.

"You have a lot of work waiting for you, miss, and Joanna has been on a diet since she was a toddler presumably. We don't want my secretary biting your head off, now, do we?" he jested.

She shook her head dumbly. She didn't realize she was _staring_ until he fixed her with another inquiring gaze. Staring. Eyes like chocolate. Easter eggs. Bunnies. Steamy, wild sex.

A weak _meep _(that may or may not have been) later, Yuffie had fled the room.

* * *

She had the misfortune of running into him again that very same afternoon. It was hard to avoid someone when working for them on top of being situated in the same building, but literally flying straight onto their thorax and sliding down their abdomen like a dead insect, only without the screeching noise? That could certainly be avoided.

Yuffie was lithe and she had nimble fingers, which got more nimble next to shiny and colorful things as well as People Who Might Have Shiny and Colorful Things on Their Person. She was by no means concentrated and reserved. No, in fact, she was always flailing something around, and if it just so happened to be a foot, and a nearby door just happened to open at that very moment, she would be seen in an extremely unflattering position. And so she was.

Her hands clasped his collar as her left foot dragged her sideways along with the door; it was all very messy, which is why as soon as she realized she had almost dragged him to the floor with her, she exclaimed, "I'm so sorry!"

After a few seconds of bemused silence, Reeve straightened up and offered her a hand.

"It's quite all right. You okay?"

He gave her a quick head-to-toe look-over. He didn't seem overly worried, but it was polite to ask.

"I'm fine," she squeaked, still on the floor. Noticing this, Reeve reached out and gently grabbed her elbow to help her up. For some reason, this only added to her distress. "Oh God, that was horrible. So, so sorry," she mumbled again.

Reeve cocked his head to the side, and looked at her curiously.

"It's okay," he repeated.

"No, it's not!"

"But - "

"I tackled you! Accidentally."

He didn't argue that. "Yes..."

"I almost broke your ribs!"

"Not really."

"I almost dislocated your shoulder!" She was hysterical at this point.

"I'm afraid I'm not a teenage beauty pageant contestant anymore, Yuffie, so I'm neither that delicate nor - " he whispered urgently, but she hadn't had the last word yet.

"My nose bumped your nipple!" she yelled in despair.

There was no amused comeback this time. Reeve stood speechless for a few moments, his gaze wide and steady and completely fixed on her.

She was frozen on the spot.

"I – I – I - "

Reeve's eyebrow tilted upwards as he clenched his bearded jaw. Two tiny hollows suggested that he was biting the inside of his cheeks, and then he spoke, and she understood.

"If you would follow me, gentlemen…" he said in a disciplined voice, and resumed his casual walk. A horde of old men in suits did, in fact, trail after him. Yuffie watched in horror as they walked by, some of them looking at her like she was a labradoodle in a swimsuit playing fetch with its own excrement.

When the last of them was out of sight, she leaned against the door responsible for all this and attempted to choke her treacherous leg.

And so that afternoon furthered the tradition of recent afternoons, that tradition being that a certain ninja was severely embarrassed and/or traumatized, and it was all great, merry fun until Yuffie Kisaragi started to seriously ponder moving into a large ceramic vase in a graveyard and living off of tulips and daisies for the rest of her life.

At least she had her journal. Yes, all would be well as long as Shiva-chan was there.

Which, unfortunately, she wasn't, as Yuffie was bound to discover that very same night before falling into an angst-induced coma.

* * *

_A/N: There _might _be more than one chapter left. ;)_


End file.
